Mibear- Because I Have To Get It Out!

I’m about to go to Miabear’s house. I’m like a kid on Christmas Eve, I’m so excited that I can’t sleep. I’m not normally the type to gush but I feel that I just have to- especially before I get up there. She knows I write on a blog but has no idea where and she just isn’t the type of girl to look it up. So, I know I can safely talk here without her laughing at me.

That sounds rude, but that’s just how we are. We tease each other and it’s never cruel or in a way that could harm either’s feelings. We can be a bit like an old married couple in that way.

I realized, after my last post, that I had to write this. She’s just…wow. I can talk to Miabear like I can talk to Kitty and Flutterby, maybe even about more. It seems, to me, that she always knows what to say. I’m depressed about my father since the day before yesterday- because I forgot his birthday. I feel badly for that, like I’m a bad person. She’s helping me cope without going too far. Dad can be a touchy subject.

She’s amazing. I can talk to her about anything, anything at all and that’s important to me. She lets me ramble on and on, sometimes to the point that I get on my own nerves and shut up. She’s never been standoffish about anything that’s bothering me and seems to understand my anxiety issues on a level that I’m pretty sure is not normal. It’s awesome.

There is just something about her that is inherently amazing. She’s one of those people, the type that everybody loves. I’ve not met anyone who doesn’t like her. Kitty doesn’t like anyone, she’s one of those people. She is constantly standoffish and cold and sometimes mean. She’s also highly opinionated and sometimes very critical. SHE loves Miabear. That, in itself, is a serious feat.

Everyone knows that person, the one that makes friends where she/he goes. That person is my girlfriend. She plays with my kids and has developed some sort of…bro type bond with my son that I’m incapable of understanding. She is amazing.

Don’t get me wrong, Miabear can be an ass. It’s sobering to think about, she can take “being a total dick” to a whole new level. She’s been to the point that my mouth closes, my jaw tightens and I level her with the mom-glare-of-pain. It seems to have no effect, if you’re wondering. Yet, some part of me loves that about her too.

She calls me on my bullshit.

She is always there for me, even when she’s not here, when I need her.

I feel safe with her- and not just on the physical level. Yeah, I’ve been in an abusive relationship that racked my mind and still gives me a twitch to think about. So, sometimes, I don’t feel completely safe. She solves that but I also feel safe to tell her anything and to wear whatever, to just be me.

It’s odd, for me, to be able to show myself to someone one hundred percent, and that someone be engaged in a romantic relationship with me. Only Kitty and Flutterby know all of me and that can really be debated.

She even likes the things about me that annoy me to hell.

This weekend is going to be amazing. I have yet to meet any of her friends. I’ve met her family, of course, that couldn’t be avoided. But she holds these friends closer, I believe. This particular friend has only ever met one of the girls she’s dated and that couldn’t be helped, the way I understand it. This part of her just seems very…private. Yet, I get to go. It’s not a fluke where it had to be worked out that way, she planned it this way.

And she’s trying to brush it off, like it’s not important, when I know it is.

In turn, I’m trying not to make it out to be a big deal. Still, it really touches me that I’m that special to her even if it sounds silly to you. Everyone has strange things about themselves like that, keep that in mind.

Either way, she’s mind blowingly amazing and I can’t seem to get enough. It’s in that cocky laugh (that’s her normal laugh, all of the time, at everything), and her ability to call me on my bullshit- see me for who I am and past anything that I try to put up on the contrary. It’s in the looks she gives me, like her wink, that shut me up and make my brain malfunction. It’s in how she understands me and I can talk to her about anything- even if she disagrees or doesn’t like it- I never feel like I can’t. It’s awesome.

This whole relationship, no matter how long it lasts, is going to be awesome. It’s going to be one I never forget. That excites the shit out of me 😀

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